unfiltered

I was challenged yesterday by my counselor to write.

 

While getting all worked up about where I am in my grief, she suggested that I write. I should write honest and unfiltered words.

 

Grief is something that we don't often talk about. I'm not saying I am an expert on grief by any means, but I have had my share of loss over the past couple of years. The challenge for me with this blog will be to write about my feelings honesty and actually share where I am. I shouldn't filter my words or thoughts based on what others may think about me. Doing this will be tough, but I am hoping my honesty might resonate with someone going through their own journey of grief, loss or other suckiness.

 

With being unfiltered, I need to go ahead and apologize to my mother that I might say words she doesn't approve of. I can already hear her "tsk'ing" in my head. My goal here is not trying to ruffle feathers or hurt people. I just want to be real on where I am at, and perhaps I can help others in sharing my story, my hurt and my broken heart.

 

Being transparent is hard for me because I have always felt like I need to be the "good little Christian girl" who always does the things expected of her. I am 100% a people pleaser, but where I am on my journey, I can't please everyone. Now, before you start worrying about me, I'm not going to do anything radical and go off the deep end or anything. I am just going to write honestly about how I am feeling and where I am.

 

Most of you know my story about how I lost my son one year, one month and 18 days ago shortly after he was born. This loss has turned my world upside down. It has been absolute hell in trying to figure out how to function and cope with my new normal. This blog is going to be messy. But perhaps this will be therapeutic for me and for others.

 

Bottom line, grief sucks.