How can it be (almost) five years since I held my precious first-born baby boy in my arms for the first and last time?
When I actually stop and think about it, the ache is still so deep in my heart. It's a rare thing for me to actually stop the chaos around me and allow myself to focus on my Jonathan.
I just miss him.
I frequently play the "what-if" game of how he could fit into our lives. Sometimes those questions make me smile. Sometimes they make me sad.
I was crying on the eve before my birthday this year because I missed him. Charlotte and I have the same birthday, and it was not only going to be my day, but her first birthday. Another milestone that I never got to have with my boy.
I was irritated because I wasn't suppose to be crying for Jonathan yet. In the previous years, the wave of grief of missing Jonathan usually hits on March 7 up until his birthday.
I miss him.
I miss him when Zac and Charlotte play together. I miss him with the milestones that happen in Zac and Charlotte's life.
I miss him.
There's really nothing else to say except: I miss him.
