Now the photo wasn't anything special. Just a candid he previously took of me.
But I instantly knew why he loved that picture even if he couldn't see why.
It was the last picture of me just minutes before our world changed forever. It was a picture of us in the waiting room just minutes before our 21 week ultrasound to find out the gender of Jonathan.
December 9, 2013: That day will always be the day our world came crashing down.
Charles loves that picture because that girl in the picture is naive...because that girl in the picture doesn't understand tragedy...because that girl in the picture doesn't have grief and pain written all over her face.
It makes me sad that that is one of his favorite pictures because I know I will never be that girl anymore.
It's as if my eyes have been opened, and I can't unsee what I've seen. It's like the Matrix. I now see the world for what it truly is. I see the pain, hurt and suffering. People are grieving all around me, and now I can actually see it.
The pain and grief that has surfaced this holiday season in my community has been tremendous. To those who are grieving, hurting and suffering: two holidays down, one more to go. We will survive. We have to.
Unfortunately we can't go back to the Matrix. We have already seen it for what it is.
Thank you for sharing all this, Susan. Hard stuff, but true.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true. Once you've experienced loss you are a different person. Your perspective on life changes and you become someone else. But that person you become can touch countless many more lives because of that change. That loss. That gut wrenching life experience. I have made life longh friends with people I probably never would have opened up to but I did because of a common pain. So much can be taken away, but we can gain so much as well. Loving you from afar this Christmas season Susan. 😘
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